Day 190- Post Trail Depression Starts on the Trail

Day 190: mile 1118.1-1137.6

What a great night! It was one of the warmest in a while. Not having a frozen face is always helpful in keeping one asleep! I think I slept about 10 hours, despite the very vocal birds this morning, that stellar jay sure knows how to squawk.

I started the day by saying goodbye to my second to last campsite on the trail, fully intending on living in denial for one more day that my journey is almost done. However, my emotions had a different plan. The more the thoughts crept in, the harder it became to hold my tears back, so I just gave into them. I spent some time reflecting on how I thought I would feel at the end of the trail and how I actually feel. I expected to be over the moon with excitement and be more than ready to be done. Of course I am excited, but I’m not ready to be done. I didn’t expect to fall in love with this trail, the people, the small towns, and this lifestyle the way I have. I love everything about it and I love who I am and the way I feel out here. 

After reflection and a quick stop at a not so appealing lake, I passed on the water and continued on down the trail. I spent the morning in the trees and expected the day might continue like this, but as I climbed up to the Barker Pass Trailhead, things began to change and the views opened up a bit. 

For some reason I was still carrying around that apple I received from my on trail-trail magic, so I figured I’d lose some weight stop to finally enjoy it and the trailhead amenities. There was a bathroom and picnic tables, so wonderfully unexpected. As I sat enjoying my apple I was interrupted by a very unpleasant burning/stabbing sensation in my arm. I’d set my arm down right on a yellow jacket, ouch! It looked just like the mysterious bite from Burney. Mystery solved? Perhaps, but the way this felt, I think I’d have noticed the burning sensation, even through the unpleasant humidity and mosquitoes I was experiencing that day walking into Burney. I guess we’ll never know for sure.

I left the trailhead and was greeted by beautiful views of Lake Tahoe. They continued for the second half of my day until I descended. 

The sun began to go down and I could tell tonight was not going to be as warm as last night. As I approached camp I almost fell really hard, but luckily caught myself. Today was filled with a few incidents like this, what’s going on? I’ve only got one more day left, I’d really like to stay in one piece for it! 

My last campsite is nothing spectacular as far as views go, but it is meaningful of course. I thought about this as I sat in my tent stuffing my face with as many calories as I could eat to help keep me warm through the night. I guess there’s one thing I won’t miss, going to sleep this full! Never thought I’d complain about eating as much as I could. Off to bed, I can’t believe it’s my last night out here. It doesn’t feel real. Back to living in denial for one more sleep.

Goodnight!

XOXO Green Light 

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